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Friday, October 29, 2010

the schedules.

when i was younger and thought about growing up and living with a boy-now mind you in this interpretation i would be married to him lol-i always believed we would get up, get ready in the morning somewhat together then come home and be together in the evenings.  while the being married to him changed so did quite a few other things.  the biggest thing to change was the schedules.

i work in higher education, have a fairly normal weekday schedule and the occasional saturday.  i am usually home between 630p-730p with one day a week come home after 8p.  richard works at a shipping company in their warehouse hub in the evenings monday-friday.  he goes in somewhere between 3p-5p and is home between 11p-midnight.  he has had this job the whole time that we have dated, so we talked at nighttime, usually when i am in bed and he is driving home.  this has definitely messed with my sleep in the past, but it got to the point where i couldnt sleep through the night without it, it was our routine and it worked for us.  this definitely made us make the most of our time together, as we spent most of our weekends together.  not seeing him during the week was tough, some weeks where definitely tougher than others, but we always seemed to make it work.  as we began to seriously talk about moving in i wondered how this routine was really going to work.

whenever we did talk about moving in, i still had that togetherness idea in my head about the mornings and the evenings.  i had never really seen it done any other way, and wasnt sure i was really ok with this.  but when i talked to richard he always sounded really excited about our opposite schedules.  he always told me that i would be able to come home and have all this time to myself to watch my girly shows-i will admit most of them are pretty girly lol-and relax from my day.  he would still be there in the mornings and be able to get up with me while i was getting ready for work to start the day.  and he would have the time to himself during the day and see me when he came home, we could still talk about our days and spend time together at night.  i never had the heart to tell him that i wasnt really ok with this plan, because i knew in my heart there wasnt anything i could do to change it.  i think what bothered me the most was that i was finally going to see him everyday and go to bed with him at night, which i was really excited about, and all he talked about was the space.  

i got to the point before we moved in where i realized part of the reason he wanted "so much space,"  he had never really lived with anyone before or had to seriously share his space before.  he was an only child growing up and lived much of his life with his dad.  the closest thing he had to roommates was when we met and they were living with some family friends.  but even then, he was pretty much on his own, he had never really shared his up close/personal space with another person, much less a girl.  i had lived with a younger brother growing up and a family that would constantly walk in and out of my room at leisure.  i lived with many different roommates in college, fantastic ones in the end, crazy ones, naked ones, quiet ones, and loud ones.  i had figured out how to live with other people that i was and wasnt related too.  however none of the a fore mentioned roommates had been boys, that in itself i knew was going to make a huge difference. 

the first night i came home from work it was very eerie.  i didnt totally feel like i lived there yet, there were still boxes in the living room lol.  i wasnt really sure what i should do, so i did what i always do.  i changed out of my work clothes into my pjs and wandered into the kitchen to make dinner.  as i made dinner for myself i kept expecting other people to come home, but i wasnt really sure who i was waiting for.  i also wondered what was i supposed to do when richard came home.  do i stay up and wait?  do i go to bed?  i knew things were going to figure themselves out when he called that night to say he was on his way home.  i-being the huge overthinking girl that i am-wondered if he was going to, and i was so glad he did.

the next night i came home was my late night and i had already eaten dinner, so i had one less thing to do when i got home.  i still felt a little bit lost on what to do.  i had this i live with a boy feeling, but i dont ever see him.  when he does come home he is awake and ready to go.  he wants to talk and tell me all about his day, he asks questions about my day and the things i did.  he watches most of his shows at night and is up till 2 and 3 in the morning, this has taken some definite getting used too.  the hardest part is the fact that it is 11 or 12 at night and i am ready for bed/falling asleep when i finally do get to see him.  i dont really spend anytime with him in the mornings either.  my alarm goes off and as i am getting up to take a shower/make coffee he is rolling over to keep sleeping.  i always kiss him goodbye as i am walking out the door, while a little piece of my heart is sad that i cant get back into bed with him.  how am i going to get used to this?

a few days later it was like a switch flipped.  i came home from a particularly long day and was so ready to just flop on the couch and pass out.  it was so nice to come home to my own apartment and be able to do that.  richard was at work like usual and i was so relieved to have a few hours to myself to unwind.  when i was living at home there were a lot of times i wanted to do this exact thing, but it never seemed to happen.  i finally felt like i understood where he was coming from with the goodness of our opposite schedules.  there are still some nights where i wish he was home when i got there with his smile to make the perfect ending to my not so perfect day.  we are both trying to get better about the night time.  quite a few nights i have fallen asleep on the couch which actually turned into a good thing, because now i can stay up a little bit later chatting and watching tv with him.  he always gets sad when i go to bed and he is still up for a few more hours by himself.  we spend all day apart and then spend an hour, maybe at night together.  the best part is though, its so much more time than we used to spend together, and i am so grateful.  the mornings are still a little sad, i hate leaving.  nobody wants to get out of bed in the morning, and i especially dont now with him sleeping next to me.  but as i am leaving each morning, i still smile watching him sleep and am so glad that we made this moving in decision.  it has already brought us so much closer.

1 comment:

David said...

I so can relate to this...especially when Bishop and I got together about three years ago.

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