Monday, January 17, 2011

the ornament party.

a few weeks before thanksgiving we had decided to have our very first christmas party.  i was super stoked, always wanting to have my own place to throw a party.  richard was equally stoked to show off our place now that we had lived there over 2 months and to have so many of our friends together.  there was of course a great debate on which weekend to have it, as finally settled on the 18th of december.  i had decided not to put up a facebook invite after we got home from our thanksgiving weekend because i thought it was too soon and people would probably forget by the time the party rolled around.  other planning was beginning to come together though.  we thought about doing a secret santa, but that would be hard with such different groups of friends not knowing each other.  then we thought about white elephant, but werent super excited about that so we decided to just make the decision when it got closer to time.

when we got home from thanksgiving richard went over to hang out at matts house and found out that he was also planning some kiond of holiday party.  richard told him we were thinking the 18th and they said no problem, they would figure out a different weekend.  a few days later the facebook invite showed up in my requests folder while i was at work and i knew this was not going to be good.  it was also for the 18th.  now mind you, we had not sent ours out yet because i thought it was too soon, guess not.  the invite had said they were flexible and realistically so we were we, we hadnt set the actual date yet.  i received a text from richard asking what we were going to do now and see it hadnt been too early for the invite.  i suggested we talk to the matt and see what other weekend they were thinking and then go from there.  while i emailed matt, the we should have sent it out turned into a quick downward spiral into maybe we just shouldnt do this at all because it wouldnt be the right weekend.  after emailing a few times with matt i realized how loose their plans were and knew that we could easily figure this out, richard however was not at all convinced.  while on lunch that day i called him to tell him what matt and i talked about, but he was still not convinced and the spiral was going farther down.  luckily matt actually walked into the lunchroom at that moment and he and richard ended up talking about the whole thing and figuring it out in about 2 minutes flat.  we would keep the 18th and he would take a friday either the day before or the weekend before, problem solved!

planning continued and we finally decided on a theme for the party!  since it was our first year in the new place our tree was a little sparse and we were trying to come up with ways to fill it.  with help from jodi we decided to make our theme an ornament party.  instead of spending money on a secret santa gift, guests would take the money and purchase an ornament for our tree that would remind us of you and that we would keep for seasons to come.  we had also decided to do appetizer/dessert foods so that people could come and go as they needed to.  the weekend was getting closer and closer and we just had to buy the last few things to be completely ready.  i didnt have to work that morning, but did have a 2 year-old birthday party to attend that afternoon for a family friend.  my plan was to get everything baked, cleaned, and put together before i had to leave so when i came home i had very little to finish up.

it all sounded like such a great plan, until you actually put life in there.  richard did errands in the morning to finish his things up, and nothing was going right.  he couldnt find the things he needed and people were in the full christmas mean mode of shopping.  i ended up staying about 45 minutes too late at the birthday party, which meant i was late getting home.  he was upset cause i lost track of time, i didnt think it was that big of a deal as long as i got everything done, which was going to be tight.  he offered to help put the last minute food things together so i gave him the punch detail.  as he was combining things together we realized there wasnt enough alcohol for the punch recipe, and all hell broke loose.  he was mad at me because i didnt tell him the right amount.  i was mad because he didnt look at the recipe i gave him.  he was mad because i stayed at the party too long and didnt plan well enough.  i was mad because the last minute things were taking too long.  both of us stomping around mad at the other, richard decided to go get the alcohol and i decided to stay and finish my things.  i finished a few minutes before he got back so i decided to take out the trash to help.  on my way to the dumpster i passed him and he wouldnt even look at me.

we came back upstairs and didnt even speak to each other, oh except for him to ask if i was going to take a shower because i stunk, which definitely helped my mood.  i finished my appetizer things and left for the shower still not talking.  after getting dressed i knew we had to at least figure this out a little bit because all our friends were coming over in about an hour.  i finally broke the silence and apologized for running late, well that just opened a whole door of pent up things.  we had a pretty serious discussion the weekend before because i was pretty upset and thought things had been resolved, guess not.  he had said his piece, i felt about 3 inches tall, but knew we couldnt have an all out argument because we were running out of time.  so i kept it all in and finished getting ready.   he seemed better once getting it all out and was helping set the table and arranging food so i ran with it.

the party was a definite hit!  everyone really got into the ornament buying and had to find the perfect one.  they loved the food and could not believe how many decorations we had for just being our first year.  it was a small party, which was fine with us, but it was definitely a good tradition to start.

that same night there was a pretty big ufc fight happening, which i was afraid was going to totally derail the party plans.  but the guys had been big thinkers and taped the fight to watch once the party was over, thank goodness.  (ufc fighting is just not one of my favorite things, im not so good with that stuff.  but richard loves it and so does his friends.)  right around 10 everyone was pretty full and the guys were ready to go watch the fight.  i stayed home, gladly, to clean up and hang out with the newest girl in the group (had to feel her out).  i think it was one of the best things for richard and i to spend a few hours apart anyway, still not super settled on our fight.  we hadnt really hung out a lot during the party, both keeping busy on purpose with others.  this was our first really big fight since we moved in together and we were trying to figure out how to do all of this.

girl time with heather and a very drunk lora is exactly what i needed.  mike and lora had shown up right as the guys were headed over to matts to watch the fight.  so we kept lora with us and mike went with the guys.  i was going to take heather home later and pick up richard when they were done with all their manly things.  the girls talked about so much and i got great advice from lora.  like i said, it was exactly what i needed.  i realized some things i definitely had done wrong and was able to clear my head so that richard and i could talk about them later and not be defensive.

as the guys finished the fight lora left to pick up mike while heather and i stayed for awhile longer.  the original plan was to drop heather off at matts and pick up richard at the same time when he was ready.  after both of us falling asleep on the couch we decided to just take her home and i would go out again later and get richard.  i was trying to give both of us space and had no problem going out again later.  right as i was getting home he called.  he said he wasnt quite ready to come home and anthony would actually bring him home later.  i was a little sad, but so glad he had called, i knew that everything would be ok.

once he got home that night i was already asleep and he was not feeling good.  he woke me up to let me know he was home and then he started getting sick.  he hadnt really eaten that day, then drank all night, and we had a pretty big fight.  i immediately got up and tried to help out anyway that i could.  it actually was a blessing in disguise.  we both started openly talking and being very vulnerable to each other.  we both apologized and admitted to those we had done wrong.  we realized in that night that the newness had really worn off.  we really lived together and were starting to find out a whole new level of the other person.  a friend had told me the first year is the hardest thing ever.  the second year is so much easier, and the third year is amazing.  up until this point everything had been so easy.  i really thought we had skipped the hard part, definitely realized we were not any different than any other 2 people who lived together.

the holiday party was a great success, even with all the things that went awry.  we definitely figured out a little bit more about each other and that it was ok to fight and then take space.  as long as we came back to the table and could talk openly with each other.  and we had a whole new set of fantastic ornaments added to our tree!

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