the meals.

i love food, i really do.  i am not shy in a restaurant, no matter who i am with, and love having a kitchen filled with food.  i also love to cook.  im not very good mind you, but i do love it.  i like being able to prepare things and piece things together to make a meal.  growing up mom did most of the cooking and as i got older i always volunteered but that didnt usually work.  so when i went to college i was excited to do it on my own, until i realized how hard it really was.  i definitely got better while i was there, but not great.  after i moved home with my parents i didnt cook much again, so when i moved out i was really excited to get to explore my skills again.

richard and i are both fairly plain eaters, and we also eat similarish things.  when it comes to sandwiches mine has meat, cheese, and thats it.  no mayo, no mustard, no tomatoes or lettuce.  he is close to the same, except with no cheese.  i am a pretty plain jane eater, but i do think i am starting to expand a little bit.  when he and i first met his dad actually asked me to help him expand his eating choices, my family and friends are still laughing about that conversation.

before moving in together richard would always tell me that he wanted to gain weight, which trying to understand that as a girl is a whole new crazy idea.  we as women are constantly trying to lose weight, tone, stay the same, or have body image issues in general.  it never really occurred to me that men do as well.  body image issues is something i have struggled with my whole life.  i am a curvy girl, i have a big butt, hips, big curly blonde hair, big boobs, and pretty fair skinned.  i love being a curvy girl, sometimes though, those curves got a little too out of control.  i never took it to the extreme of an eating disorder, thank goodness i was surrounded by the right people in my life, but there has not been many times in my life i have felt completely comfortable in my own skin.  right now however, i am beginning to feel the most comfortable i have in a very long time.  this is also, a lot of work.  i am in the process of losing weight on a plan that has been very successful for me in the past few months, post latest half marathon.  clothes are fitting better, i am actually needing to replace some, overall i feel much more confident in myself. plus i am determined to not gain the stereotypical weight you add on when moving in with a significant other, we'll call that love pudge.  so he had decided that he would definitely gain some when we moved in because we would be eating meals together and my meals usually include many different things, especially dessert.

i thought this was going to be great, i would be able to come home and cook for us both, then when richard came home he would have something to eat.  now after the first grocery store adventure, part 1 and 2, i really began to wonder how this was going to work.  the things we were buying were completely different.  no way was i eating vegetables out of a can and he laughed when i carefully picked my fruit.  i started to realize that we eat in the sameish places, but when we eat at home, its very different.  he is a chicken nuggets and mash potatoes eater, while i may have the chicken nuggets but with carrots and strawberries, two things he doesnt even like.  i dont really like to eat after 8pm, and richard isnt even home most evenings until after 11pm.  i would plan what i thought i wanted to eat for dinner in the morning, he doesnt need to decide until he goes to work.  we both spent a lot time trying not to hurt the others feelings about not wanting to eat what they were eating. 

so by the second week, i had given up the thought of eating the same meals.  i know it sounds silly and maybe a tad dramatic, but it saved us both from getting our feelings hurt and really there are so much bigger things to fight about than meals.  it was energy trying to save face and come with a rebuttal that didnt need to be there.  when we are here on weekends together or randomly during the day we are very conscious about making sure we eat meals together.  i may make an extra veggie, he may add another carb, but we are still cooking and eating together.  who knew coordinating meals together would be so difficult.

the day mom came over.

as soon as i made the decision to move out, i knew eventually i was going to have to get the mom approval.  its something required of all big decisions, its what moms do.  now you may make a decision without her input or whether she is going to like it or not, as i did by moving in, but you know in the back of your mind that sooner or later your going to want her approval.  now my mom reacted much better than i expected her to when i told her my decision, so i was hoping the approval would come pretty soon after.

the next weekend after our move in we decided to have her over.  mom had given us a gift card to purchase new dishes and we decided she should definitely come with us to spend the money.  im not really sure who was more nervous, richard or myself.  the day before we really worked hard to put on the "we really live" here touches.  we got rid of the last of the boxes and hung pictures, trying to match our mismatching things together.  the morning of we made sure to clean the bathroom and had the kitchen looking spotless, well as much as we could.

after some logistics delayed her coming down at the original time we thought, she finally arrived.  when i opened the door she was standing there with arms loaded with things i had left at the house, looking about as nervous as i was.  i quickly invited her in and helped unload while hugging, we are multitaskers, what can i say.  when she walked in there seemed to be a look of disbelief on her face.  now im still not sure if it was because we had actually cleaned, she realized i really lived here, or there were no boxes in sight.  we gave her the grand tour, which took all of about 3 minutes, it is only our first apartment.  and decided we were all starving and needed food asap.

she asked all the typical questions.  how are things going?  are you adjusting?  how are the opposite schedules working?  we answered these and the many others she came with honestly, and i think she was a little surprised by it all.  after we finished lunch we started with the shopping, this is where it all got interesting.

my mom is one of my best friends.  yes she drives me crazy sometimes, in the ways that your mom or best friend always does.  we have a lot shows we watch together, we do 1/2 marathons together, we now both have iphones, we eat pretty similar, we also now both drive volkswagens.  when we go places people always ask if we are sisters, mostly men because they are trying to hit on one of us, what can i say its the truth.  i am often her fashion advice, and connection to things like the social media world.  she is my conscience and will always help lead me down the right path.  we are close in a different way that mothers and daughters are, it something that i cherish very much.  which is why the mom approval is important.

back to the shopping.  we started aiming a little high, browsing through pier 1 and looking at all of the things we are hoping to start purchasing probably this time next year.  being that was our first group shopping experience i was really curious how this was going to work.  when my mom and i shop we ask each others opinion on just about everything that goes into the cart, with the exception of the grocery store.  now some of these questions might be rhetorical, but many are genuine opinion seekers.  except in this shopping experience we have a whole nother relationship to consider, richard, and the fact that we are buying things for our apartment.  so who has the more important opinion?  who do you really listen too?  i mean mom gives the good/practical opinion and richard gives the lets have some fun/be young and enjoy this opinion.  now it kind of makes my mom sound old and richard like maybe he wasnt taking this serious enough, which was not the case in either instance.  its about finding a balance.  merging the stable life that you have always had with your family with this new adventure you have with your boyfriend.  i mean really, who cares if the silverware matches, or if the laundry detergent is a powder or liquid, or if you eat cereal with a little spoon like a normal person and he eats his with a big spoon like a savage.  like i said its about finding a balance.

we never did find dishes that day, or buy everything we needed in the way of basics.  mom really did give us good advice on the things to buy, such as why do you need a mop if you dont have a broom to sweep up the pokeys.  or isnt it really more important to find dishes you both love over settling on some dishes just to get rid of the ones you hate.  it also opened my eyes to how my mom was dealing with things and how our relationship was really going to grow out of this.  she is still adjusting to the fact that we live together, which is ok, at least she is willing to take an open mind.  i am still adjusting to living away from home and figuring out the grown up thing.  when she left that day i thought she was upset with us that we didnt buy dishes.  i realized later that for her, that day made all of this real.  my things are on shelves, my clothes are hanging in the closet, my desk is set up, i really live here with richard.  the next adventure in my life had really begun.