Friday, May 25, 2012

the post 3 1/2 marathons in a row and triathlon blues.

during the end of my triathlon training i was sooo looking forward to a training break. i had been non-stop since about july last year and was for sure ready to take it a little slower for awhile. when i found out i got into nike i was super excited and knew that i could have my break and still have plenty of time to be race ready. well that much anticipated break came and at first my body loved it. run when i wanted and however far i felt like that day at any pace, or rest when i felt like it. then it didnt really know what to do or react.
now what?
all the while everything else in my life really started to build up. work was getting really crazy and sometimes my job is just hard. my class at the time was getting to the final and it was completely overwhelming and really hard. i was also beginning to look at my life as i realized i had graduated exactly 5 years ago and what had i done. there were things i had accomplished i wouldnt trade for the world, but felt incredibly stuck in my current situation. while all this was building i was able to keep it under control for the most part until my brother came home that weekend. after he graciously took me being upset about him not being there or asking about my triathlon and our pure excitement about nike, he told the big reason he had come home, he was being deployed in about 45 days. at first i was ok, i asked a lot of questions and he answered as much as he could. it wasnt until we came back from running errands that day that it hit me, he was really leaving.
didnt we just get to do this?!
that was the straw that broke the camels back. that next week i was a mess. i couldnt focus, keep myself together at work, my runs werent the same, and i couldnt shake this terrible feeling. i broke down a few times, tried to go home from work, and not unload everything on my richard or my family as much as i could. when i couldnt get right after running and had a full breakdown in my bosses office 1 thursday i realized there was something bigger going on. we talked for awhile and i started thinking about post-partum depression. now i didnt think i was fully depressed plus i hadnt given birth. but i did start some research and found that it could be a very real possiblity. you have this buildup for an incredibly long time and then just like that, its over.

in the research it talked about this happening to runners and the best way to combat it was to line up your next something before you finished your current training. i realized i pretty much had always done this without knowing it. i did have nike, but it wasnt for 5 months and i knew that was too long to wait. the thing it didnt talk about was what to do when your actually in it or how to get out. it sounded like a "each runner has to find their way." what does that mean? i was looking for some direction here people! it seems that no one really talks about any of this. i decided i want to put myself out there so others can know that it really does happen to people.

now its been about 2 weeks since the culmination of everything and i am still trying to kick the end of this funk.  i also have been doing some research into another 1/2 before nike, which i know sounds a little nuts, but everything seems more balanced when i have a training plan and working toward something closer than 5 months from now. luckily when i pitched that idea to richard he hopped on board right away, knowing the same thing. i have been keeping very busy, as always, and still running of course, but i know inside i am not back to my whole normal self quite yet. i am signed up for a 5k with a friend doing her very 1st one this weekend and cant help but secretly hope this will be the final push i need to get back on track!
plus i get a date with this guy on sunday!
maybe that will help too :)


Megan said...

I think I'm in your shoes... mine coming off a really crappy half, and then not having much to look forward to until then!

I mean damn girl... 615 miles and we're only through May. That's awesome! You kick butt, and you know it. Hugs, we'll get through it! :)


~*katy beth*~ said...

thanks girl! im so glad im not in this along. sound like youve had a lot going on too and we will help each other through :) ps...i did a little looking at surf city today, kinda diggin it (the half)!

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