Wednesday, August 31, 2011

the balancing act.

each relationship in life has a different part of your heart. there are ones that take up small parts and ones that take up big parts. the small parts are usually easy to manage, while important dont usually take huge decisions. the big parts though, those are the sticky ones.

when i talk about big parts i mean things like family, best friends, and your significant other. somehow it seems like im not ever on the right side relationship wise. if i have a significant other the other important people in my life are dont so im a bit of an outcast. when i am single everyone else seems to be in a relationship, so i am still an outcast. how do you juggle it all? how do you stay on the same side as the big parts?

in a relationship the most important is that you and your significant other ban together. when richard and i first started dating he told me how much he wanted to keep the relationships with his best friends current and strong no matter what. he didnt want to be" kicked out of the group" just because he had a girlfriend. not wanting to lose my own self in the relationship i was on the same page! however it soon felt like he would do anything not to lose those friendships, even at the expense of us spending time together. this meant many saturdays spent by myself once we moved in together while he played with his friends. most of his friends were single at the time and i think he envied it a little bit. he also did have the best of both worlds, able to go hang out with his friends all day and then still come home to a girlfriend at night. the other issue we ran into was schedules. because he worked at night he couldnt hang out with anyone really during the week, so that meant the weekend was for everyone. i kept the crazy girl in as much as i could and learned i had to let him figure it out on his own. its hard to watch sitting on the sidelines, feeling like a second choice, and i did many a weekends.

slowly he came to the conclusion that he wouldnt be losing friends just because he had a girlfriend and that his priorities started to change. he also started to realize that the group didnt actually kick anyone out, he just didnt "need" them as much anymore to do the things he wanted. they are a fun group to hang out with and do certain things, but eventually you want to spend time with your significant other more.

while richard struggled with the guys vs girlfriend decision, i struggled with the lack of girlfriends/friends in las vegas. i moved back to las vegas after college and didnt exactly return to many friends. we had all moved on to different things since graduating high school, and i never thought i would be back here. plus making friends in high school and college was so easy, making friends in the real world is totally different. i had made some amazing friends in college and knew they would be a part of my life forever! but they didnt live here and i couldnt call them to go get coffee after work and talk about our days. we talk on the phone and visit when we can, but it doesnt satisfy the i have nothing to do, lets call so and so to hang out. it also makes it hard to balance hanging out with each others friends. i am still struggling a little bit (i wont lie) to find good friends in las vegas, especially good girlfriends. i was (and still am) at times jealous that all of his best friends live in the same place (except for mike just recently moving).

i have since discovered that the friends i met in college really will always be there, and they are the ones i always want to have. while i may make friends in vegas, they dont have to be the same as the ones i have. we dont all have to be best friends. plus people will come and go in your life and thats ok. richard has discovered that the guys will always be there. yes you still have to do your end of the work on a friendship. but its ok to not hang out for a couple weeks, they will still be just as good of a friend the next time you do. he and i have become so much closer in the last couple of months since coming to these conclusions. its ok to have outside friends/relationships, you should to have a healthy relationship. we are both still learning how to fit it all in. but us two are the most important:)

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