Wednesday, March 7, 2012

the haters.

haters. we all have them. the ones you know that dont like you because of your hair, your clothes, or the way you laugh. the ones you dont know that are nice to you in the moment and do nothing but talk trash behind your back. the ones who wont even talk to you no matter how hard you try to be nice. but the worst ones of them all are the ones that flat out say you cant do something. 
i have been swimming at the las vegas athletic club in a short 25 meter pool that is 4 feet deep. so i have spent the last month putting in the meters there and building up my comfort level. i knew eventually i would have to move up to the big pool that was at least 7 feet deep and 50 meters. i decided march was the month to make that happen.

a very good friend told me i should hook up with the master swim group that meets a couple times during the week. it would give me a great workout, new people, and push me differently. after learning the great value of my runner group, she didnt have to push me hard. last week i emailed the coach because i wasnt sure if i could just show up. it took 3 days for him to reply and it wasnt the most helpful. but i decided i was going anyway and hope that i didnt drown. 

monday morning i made the next step up to the recreational center pool. i wasnt really nervous until the night before when i realized i was really going to have to get up and go. the alarm went off terribly early in the morning. i put on my suit and sweatpants because it was freezing outside and headed to the pool. i arrived about 5 minutes early and seeked out the coach to introduce myself. now to do that of course i had to walk in front of everyone and got lots of stink-eyes. it was very clear i was the new girl and they had all been together a very long time. i finally found coach frank, introduced myself, and told him what i was training for. then he asked the 1st hard question, what are you runnin 100s in these days. i should have known i was in trouble then.
after telling him i had no idea he put me a lane with the only nice person i met all day, a guy named nicky. coach frank instructed us to warm up with a couple hundreds then we would start the workout. i felt good on the warmup and was ready to try the workout. he came over and started talking in some language i would never understand and only after demonstrating what he meant i got a hold of it. i only made it down the pool and back before he was back standing above me with new instructions. he told me we needed to work on my stroke, i asked why, because it sucks?! he just kinda looked at me and i said because it does, which is why im here! so he gave me a kickboard and talked about what we would do to fix it. i told him that was great, but not the problem. the issue was my breathing. i dont know how to get it all in and out while still efficiently moving forward. he looked at me and said ooohhh. so he gave me so drills to do instead.

im not sure exactly how many meters i swam that day. but i do know that my legs have never hurt worse after a swim. using the kickboard with my arms, it was all legs. once finally finished an hour later we were all headed out of the pool. i felt a little foolish because i was the only one that had to go to the side and use the steps/handlebars to get out. but wore it the best i could. i was feeling pretty good and comfortable after the workout. i headed back to my stuff ready to get out of there, but not before running into coach frank. he asked if i had actually signed up for the race. i said yes, proudly, weeks ago. he gave me this very heavy look and said well this is going to take a lot of work, your going to need to be here a lot. after that i couldnt get out of there fast enough.
while driving home and getting ready for the day i couldnt help but feel totally defeated. i was feeling sooo good at the end of my training last week with where i was. i knew i wasnt close to ready, but for 4 weeks in i was feeling great. after his last comment i couldnt help but wonder what i was doing. did i jump the gun too soon? could i really do this? am i going to drown in that lake?

i started to remember all the people before that told me i couldnt do something. my soccer coach that put me on the "b" team when i moved to vegas and told me that i would never play competitive soccer. a few years later i was playing on a state cup team. the "friends" that told me i would never make it at nau and i would be home in less than a year. i still graduated in 4 years after transferring. when i signed up for my masters people told me i would probably have to scale back on the 1/2 marathons so i could finish all my homework on time. i completed 3 1/2s in 16 weeks.
that night i went to my runner group after posting something about my experience on facebook and dailymile. richard was the 1st to post his full support, along with a few other amazing people to boost my spirit that really knew me. when i walked in derrick checked on me and told me he had a very similar experience and never went back. i found some serious comfort in all of their encouragement and support. those guys didnt know me or know what ive done. these people do. tuesday morning, i got up and went to the pool. i pulled myself out of bed when i didnt want to because i was sore and my confidence was shaken. but i did. and hopped in that pool and knocked out my 1200 meters. and wednesday morning i went to spin. just like the training plan said.
this is not my first tough road. this is not the hardest thing ive ever done (although i think it might be damn close). this is another thing for me to overcome and stop the haters. they will always be there, always hating. and on april 21st i will be standing across the finish line smiling. i may have crawled across it with tears streaming down my face in pain. but i will cross it. and i will silence at least 1 hater.


Megan said...

KB, this is an awesome post -- and I am so glad you have the strength and the wisdom (!!) to know that you're better because of what you work hard to accomplish and don't let these people shoot you down. Only YOU can know what YOU really want to accomplish and you can't let the other silly people knock you over.


Nicole @ The Marvelous Misadventures of a Foodie said...

You are so amazing! I find it so inspiring that you are still sticking with the swimming, despite having your confidence crushed!!

I completely agree with you that there are so many people out there who will expect you to fail - or worse...want you to fail. It takes a lot of courage and passion to rise above the negitivity - but you did it, and I know you'll continue to do it!

You WILL rock this tri!

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